There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. There is nobody that tries harder at being “normal” than an alcoholic and his/her family.
I realized over the years I had become less of myself. When someone doesn’t fit into the perceived notion of what an addict is, it’s hard for people to know what to say. When I finally left my husband, I was only able to do so after taking weeks to compose a list of facts.
The serial dater was the one who looked after the alcoholic in their family.
Therefore from an early age they learned to take care of people. This behavior is then taken into adult life and the individual is constantly looking after addicts to 'take care of'.
All you can do is inform them about alcoholism (why not direct them to the alcoholism guide), tell them how you feel about their drinking and then let them do what they will with the information.
There are men and women who always seem to choose a partner who has issues with alcohol.
Because the alcoholic already has a date and his or her name is alcohol.
And, unfortunately for you, alcohol is THE ONE AND ONLY for the alcoholic. Alcohol will always be the priority of the active alcoholic.
Counseling is when you talk, usually one-to-one, with an independent professional about yourself, your problems and your history. They also have no emotional investment in your life and so can give unbiased and detached feedback. I'm In Love With An Addict gives you the strategies that will enable you to find happiness and get your life back on track..well as other skills that are crucial when attempting to cope with an alcohol dependent.
But we do not live in an ideal world and many people fall for alcoholics.
It can be very hard, especially at the beginning of a relationship,to leave someone you really care for, even love because he/she has a drinking problem.
It is very important that you do not enable your alcoholic boyfriend or girlfriend. However, if the alcoholic in question says they want help then by all means stand by them, but it won't be an easy journey.
Unless an alcoholic (or any addict) wants help then don't even bother trying to help them.I was worried about his anger, or that he would relapse, or be too stressed out or my actions would cause something bad to happen. It was his turn to learn to deal with the reality of our existence instead of us having to shrink because of the reality of .” His mother had been an alcoholic and it had stunted his life. The reason this advice hurt so much at the time was that it would have forced me to see my part in things. At my office, I began to put together a black and white list of the things in our relationship that I could not accept.